Dear Friends,
Friendship is one of God’s greatest gifts. Healthy friendships can bring joy, strength, accountability, and deep companionship. But sometimes, our closest relationships carry pain instead of peace. They drain instead of replenish. They leave us second-guessing instead of secure. These are what we often refer to as toxic friendships -relationships that consistently harm more than they benefit.
In today’s culture, the word “toxic” gets thrown around easily. But peer-reviewed research confirms what many of us already know from experience: harmful friendships are real, measurable, and profoundly impactful. They can shape our mental health, physical well-being, spiritual outlook, and even our identity. For Asian American Christians, these dynamics can be especially complex. Our cultural values of harmony, loyalty, and deference, combined with Christian teachings on forgiveness and community, often make it harder to recognize, name, and set boundaries around toxic friendships.
That’s why I’m launching this 10-part newsletter series: “Navigating Toxic Friendships.” Over the coming weeks, I’ll walk through ten different types of unhealthy friends - the critic, the controller, the ghost, the gaslighter, the taker, the drama magnet, the jealous friend, the negative Unni (“older sister” in Korean), the gossip, and the frenemy. I’ve had each type of friend, so I’m drawing from personal experience. Each newsletter will explore:
What research tells us about how this type of friendship affects us emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Why this matters, especially in church and cultural contexts.
How scripture guides us to discernment, truth, and healthier relational practices.
Practical steps and reflection prompts for navigating these friendships with wisdom.
My goal isn’t to make us suspicious of every friend, or to end relationships at the first sign of difficulty. Friendships require patience, forgiveness, and growth. But when patterns consistently harm us, wisdom invites us to pause, name what’s happening, and take faithful steps toward health. Sometimes that means setting boundaries. Sometimes it means seeking repair. And sometimes, it means letting go.
As we journey through this series, I invite you to reflect prayerfully on your relationships, asking: Which friendships draw me closer to God’s hope, and which ones pull me away from it? My prayer is that these reflections will provide you with the language, courage, and tools to navigate friendships in ways that protect your dignity, steward your well-being, and honor the God who calls us to love in truth.